Close Cover When Striking

My New Blog.

2007-04-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

WWW.COLINATKINSON.COM

Monozygotic diamniotic monochorionic girls

2006-05-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

look it up, fool.

My family is growing by 33%.

2006-04-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

We got some shocking news today. It still doesn't seem real every time I say it.

Amy is pregnant with twins.

Wait WHAT?!?!

What did I just say?

So what do I do now? Lets see... new car, bunk beds, and 2 of everything else.

Oh man...

Three Four is not company.

2006-04-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

It's perfect, and we are stopping at 3 4.

(Amy is pregnant, and I am uber-excited!)

Therapy.

2006-04-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

This is an actual recent conversation at my house.

Bella: Mom, look. I named my doll "Therapy".

Amy [holding back laughter]: Therapy, really. How did you pick that name?

Bella: You know, Therapy, like on my pancakes! (she likes a lot of syrup)

I dig it.

2006-04-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

If I go out to my back yard right now and start digging - and keep digging and digging - I will end up in the Indian Ocean. No shit. If you live in the Western United States you will too. See for yourself, here. Ah, the wonders of google maps.

The Weatherman

2006-03-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about dark comedies, but I hate them. It has something to do with the main characters perpetually fucking up while simultaneously wallowing in their misery. I have always hated dark comedies and I thought that I always would.

That said, The Weatherman was the funniest dark comedy I have ever seen. There were quite a few laugh-out-loud moments, including an instant classic involving driving gloves. I was still laughing about it 10 minutes later. I won't spoil it because you need to see it.

Go!

Powerball

2006-03-23T22:52:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I play powerball every now and then when I have a few bucks burning a hole in my pocket. So yesterday I bought a couple tickets and took my chances at winning the 101 million.

So the actual numbers were:
18 22 23 38 45 Powerball 31

My numbers?
18 21 24 38 51 Powerball 32

2 numbers matched and 3 numbers were off by one freaking digit!

What do you win if you match 4 numbers and a powerball? 10K.

I got my 360.

2006-02-25T12:29:00.000-08:00

Got up early with the girls today and, on a whim, called Fred Meyer to see if they has any Xbox 360's. The guy said that he got some core systems in the previous night at midnight, so I booked on over there and bought myself a core system, a dvd remote, an extra wireless controller, a play-n-charge thing and Call of Duty 2. They didn't have any HDDs, so I think I am going to head over to Best Buy later to get one.

When it is all said and done (after I buy the HDD), I will have spent $50 more than it would have cost to buy a premium system. Oh well. It's better than waiting.

"Kids"?

2006-02-24T22:16:00.000-08:00

This guy got it wrong. So wrong. So, so wrong.

Tap your spacebar.

2006-02-17T20:55:00.000-08:00

Try it, it's subjective to your sense of rhythm though. I tapped Hey Jude and it showed up at the top of the list.

I need more money.

2006-02-17T20:49:00.000-08:00

This makes me feel dead broke.

A couple funny videos...

2006-02-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

Need Help Little Man?

Chronic-what?-cles of Narnia!

This guy is a bald faced liar.

2006-02-16T23:21:00.000-08:00

This can't possibly be true.

Nasty!

2006-02-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

Don't click the link! I'm warning you, don't do it!

NOOOOOOOO!

PS3 extravaganza

2006-02-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

With E3 in may, I am starting to see more PS3 articles coming out lately...

Could the PS3 be a Dreamcast-esque albatross?

Maybe, maybe not. This guy got his hands on one and didn't seem to think so.

Either way, it sounds like we will all find out on September 21st, 2006.

Yardwork.

2006-02-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

So there is a landscaping store a few miles from my house that is getting out of the plant-selling business so they are selling almost everything for cost. I have probably purchased $1000 of plants over the the last three weeks for a total cost of $300. You should come visit and check it out. It is all exotic shit too, like Monrovia and David Austin.

OK

2006-02-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

So I went to the courthouse to do the whole subpeona thing.

Since it is all over, I can discuss it - I guess. I awoke at 3 one morning to sights and sounds outside of my house that were, in a nutshell, some dude forcing some chick into his truck. It happened once, I looked out the window and ignored it (because they were yelling each other's names - so I figured they were familiar with each other).

It happened again and this time the guy was literally throwing the chick into his truck by her back belt loop. It seemed too much like the abductions you hear about on TV so I called the cops. They came and had arrested the guy about 2 blocks down from my house. I had to formally give a statement at 4:30 and I got no sleep that night.

Imagine my suprise when I go to testify and the girl is a no-show and the DA is publicly calling this girl a "crazy bitch". Turns out that the young couple got in an argument and the girl took off down the street, dressed in her pajamas, in 20 degree weather. Dude was only trying to save her life and I got him arrested on a technicality ( you can't force anyone to come with you in a car - no matter what ).

So anyway, the girl never showed up and I went home without being able to tell anyone that they "can't handle the truth".

For Nathan

2006-01-12T23:29:00.000-08:00

Body of bar pilot found on the Washington coast...

I got subpeona'd

2006-01-07T00:21:00.000-08:00

I witnissed some domestic violence and called the cops - someone was arrested and now I have to go freaking testify. Ah well - maybe I'll get some free coffee or something.

Update!

So I got my subpeona in the mail today - the day after someone from the DA's office called my house. I am testifying in front of a grand jury, and since I have never had to do this kind of thing before, I have never stopped to think about what the "grand jury" really is.

Did you know there is a petit jury? Well, there is. After 5 minutes of extensive research I discovered that the grand jury is a jury of 25 people that decide, based on the evidence presented in a room where the defendant is not present, whether or not there is enough evidence to go forward with a trial. If there is enough evidence, this is where the petit jury comes into play. The petit jury is a jury of 12 people that ultimately decides the fate of the defendant. They are the scowling people you see on TV.

Also, it seems that not all states use grand juries because there is a sense that they are not effective. A former Chief Judge of NY was quoted as saying, "A grand jury would indict a ham sandwich."

One shower to rule them all.

2006-01-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year. Time to start working on the next room of my house - converting the old kitchen pantry into a bathroom.

There are only 3 rooms left and they are of the more "mechanical" variety - meaning there is more plumbing and venting to do than any of the other rooms. The reason I have chosen to do the downstairs bathroom first (rather than the kitchen or the upstairs bathroom) is because the plumbing runs through the kitchen to the upstairs bathroom - so in order to finish the kitchen I have to finish the upstairs bathroom, and in order to finish the upstairs bathroom I have to have an alternate room for showers and dumps. Ergo, downstairs bathroom first.

Anyway, I spent about 5 hours at Lowes last weekend buying bathroom supplies.

I bought this sink:

and this toilet:

and this flooring:

But here is the kicker. In my shower, because it is so huge (3.5 x 5.5) I am going to have two of these 10" bad boys:

It's going to be like walking under a warm waterfall.

Get Your Old House Here

2005-12-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

So if any of you have ever picked up an issue of "This Old House" magazine and turned to the last page you may have noticed the "buy this cool old house up for $1" page. This has become my favorite part of the magazine.

A few issues back there was a letter to the editor asking how they found these old bargains and the editor responded with a URL.

This is my favorite site for on-the-job daydreaming. Right now there is an 11 room brick house with a TURRET for sale in St. Joeseph, MO. It also comes with a 2-story carriage house. Only 190K too.

CES

2005-12-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

There is big news from Intel coming on the 5th. TBA at CES. Well, maybe not as big for you as it is for me - but cool nonetheless.

The Portland Trail Blazers

2005-12-30T20:44:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned lately that I enjoy watching the Trail Blazers.

Suck? Check.
Young? Check.
Fun to watch lose? Check.

But they are my basketball team. Isabella likes to go the games with me, so that is cool too. She actually caught one of those catapulted T-Shirts last time we were there.

Also, Martell Webster is the man.

Yes.

2005-12-30T20:41:00.000-08:00

In case you were wondering, I DID fall off the face of the earth. It actually felt quite nice, thank you.

I am Le Tired

2005-08-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Hi. How are you? It's been a while since we talked and I just wanted to touch bases with you to see how you are. It's been what, like a month since we talked last? I've missed you and the sweet dulcet tones of your voice.

I've been pretty busy since we talked last. In early July I took a week off of work to paint my house. I spent 7 days, 12 hours per day on a ladder pressure washing, scraping, priming and painting. Don't let anyone ever tell you different, painting a house is hard, tedious and time-consuming work. After 84 hours of painting I only finished 3 sides of the house. However, that was by design because the south side of my house needs to have siding replaced and I didn't want to waste my time painting siding that will be replaced (next summer). Was it worth it, hell yes! It is really amazing what a coat of paint can do to a house. In our case it transformed the battleship gray, dirty, gloomy exterior of our house to a happy yellow, white and red house. The difference is HUGE. I still can't believe it. It looks like a new or totally different house.

Let's see, what else did I do? Oh! I replaced my front porch. Well, not really, I replaced the decking with 5\4" cedar deck boards and I replaced the posts with new posts. I also took off all of the roofing shingles and re-roofed the porch roof. If you want to see pictures of all this stuff peep our online album.

My July was pretty busy, but that was nothing compared to my August. My first weekend spent at home in August will be this coming weekend, the 27th-28th of August. That's right, we've been out of town every weekend for the entire month.

The first weekend in August we went to Astoria for my 10 year high school reunion. That was a blast. There were some delightfully creepy, depressing, nostalgic and hillarious moments which, in the end, made it all worth while. I think seeing Jeremy was the best part though. I miss partying with Jeremy.

The second weekend in August we went to Amy's 10 year High School reunion in Tacoma, WA. That sucked. I was under the impression that while my reunion was fun, Amy's would blow it out of the water. There were a few reasons for this but mostly it had to do with the fact that, when viewed as a whole, the people that attended her high school were much cooler than the people that attended my high school. I don't know why, but only about 25 couples showed up for her actual reunion while more people made an appearance at the bar the night before. So for a graduating class that was twice the size of mine, the reunion was 1/3rd the size [of my reunion]. Depressing. It was cool to see Amy's friends again though, we had fun with them.

The third weekend in August we went BACK to Tacoma for a family friends' wedding. That was cool. But by this time I was soooo sick of traveling that I just wanted to go home... and sleep.

Buuuuuut.... two days after we got home Amy's Grandma, Mom and cousin came to visit for a few days so the sleep had to wait.

So now we are here, finally at home - and I am Le Tired.

Anyway, I'm sorry I missed you. Give me a call when you get this message.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

DRUMS!

2005-07-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

You are Animal.
You are completely nuts, but fun to be around.

SPECIAL TALENTS:
Drums, Women, Food.
HOBBIES:
Drums, Women, Food.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Louder!", "Food now!" and
"Want Woman!"

LAST BOOK EATEN:
"The Musicians' Guide to Drums, Women &
Food"

NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:
An appetite.

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Xbox 360 or PS3?

2005-06-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

Shit! I had my mind soooooo made up that I was telling everyone I knew that I was getting an xbox 360 for christmas. Turns out that the decision isn't quite so easy. I was looking at the xbox 360 web site today and thinking to myself that the games, while some were impressive, were not impressive when considered as a group.

This led me to ps3.ign.com. While I know that most if not all of their images there are screen captures of non-game footage, holy crap. The PS3 games are WAY above and beyond what I have seen for the xbox 360 games. Compare Killzone, Motorstorm and Gundam to Gears of War, Ghost Recon 3 and Prey.

Motorstorm is the game that looks the coolest right now. Think Mad Max racing game.

The decision between the consoles may end up being a graphics vs. services decision. I like the xbox 360 as a media center and dvd player as well as game player. I also like Xbox live and PS3 does not a have an equal to Xbox Live's online gaming. The PS3 is mainly a high-end graphics machine (although it will be able to play Hi-Def bluRay discs).

It all could be mute though. Rumors are that the PS3 will run a hefty $465 while the Xbox 360 will be in the neighborhood of $300. I'm not spending $500 on a console.

The National Library Of Colin

2005-05-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

I have recently discovered some old documents in my house during the creation of yet-another-rough-opening.

You see, here's the deal. The east side of my house has an odd square of siding on it. It is where a window used to be, used to be as in "since removed". Said window was replaced with siding that did not match the rest of the house - then was painted with a color that was a few shades lighter than the rest of the house. Ergo, odd square of siding.

Amy had an epiphany Sunday morning that the painted over window in our kitchen was, give or take, about the same size as Odd Square. I therefore began a new project. I am removing the window from our kitchen (it is an interior window) and moving it to Odd Square.

All the previous paragraphs are a lead-in. While crowbarring, I stumbled upon some documents of significant cultural, historical and anthropological value, they had fallen (or had been placed) behind the molding that runs vertically up the right hand side of the window. I found a business card, receipt, newspaper remedy, election card (?) and a Portland Rose Festival Flyer. All of these were from circa 1910. I am certain that they are all clues to something. Where did I put my magnifying glass and pipe?

I have documented these for your viewing pleasure.

Here is the Business Card. Notice the three digit phone number:

Here is the Receipt. This guy, Frank Bernard, must have lived in my house. He ordered an Umbrella and some Pd Mnrrt on November 3, 1909 for $5.50.

My favorite part of the receipt is probably this though. They advertise "Good Goods."

Here is the newspaper remedy. Who doesn't need lustre and vigor?

I wish ALL elections were like this again. I'm serious.

Finally, here is my favorite. The flyer for the fourth annual (1910) Portland Rose Festival (still happening today). The flyer is 95 years old. You can find more pictures of the open flyer by following the link at the bottom of this post.

Also, there are more pictures of everything plus some old wall paper patterns here.

I rented a grip of movies

2005-05-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

Here's the scoop:

1) Closer - sucked. Don't bother. The only interesting thing was to hear Julia Roberts say "I fucked him on top then he fucked me from behind."

2) National Treasure - cool, but not the Indiana Jones of the new millenium as advertised. Still worth checking out, especially if you have surround sound.

3) Finding Neverland - fucking awesome. This is the best movie I have seen in years. I very nearly started crying like a baby, which is very odd for me. Good soundtrack too (if you like that kind of thing). How did this movie not win more academy awards?

4) Oceans 12 - Good. But the twist(s) were not as good or as profound as the first.

5) The Aviator - haven't watched it yet. The prospects of a 170 minute movie are weighing on me. I'll let you know.

Star Wars III

2005-05-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen the movie, I will probably like it even though most people are reporting disappointment.

Here is an enjoyable review

The Postal Service.

2005-05-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

This is my new favorite band. I am obsessed with the song such great heights.

It is an awesome song, slightly mello, slightly electronic and slightly retro. I'd say it makes me want to "rock my fucking face off", but that's not true. It makes me want to "sit and chill my fucking face off".

Nathan, you would like them too, especially the song "brand new colony"

Office is DONE!

2005-05-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

We got carpet today and moved some furniture around. Check out the pictures.

The only things left to do are buy a new light fixture and re-hang the door.

Reporting Live From... Eugene?

2005-05-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

Had a good laugh when I saw this. This guy was in my fraternity and let's just say that if I were to see him on TV, I would be unable to concentrate on the story - but rather his only on his numerous disreputable outings. Like drunken naked ukelele playing.

Nathan, have you seen him on TV?

Idea stolen from nathan stolen from grace

2005-04-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

5% Dixie! Yes. Now if only I could remember where I put my flag and my motorhome.

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!

You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?

This makes more sense for me than it does for Nathan.

You Are 29 Years Old

29

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Eh, whatever.

Homestar.

2005-04-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

When Amy was little her parents paid someone to paint actual constellations on her bedroom ceiling in glow-in-the-dark paint. Sega has accomplished the same thing with the "Sega Homestar." It's a little different though, it is a projector that sits in your room and projects the constellations on your ceiling. It is going to cost $192, but I think it is damn cool. Check it out
here and here.

Yes! Ahhh, fuck.

2005-04-13T22:53:00.000-07:00

This is how you will react to this article.

Guitar

2005-04-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

So my daughter Bella a while back looked at me with her big brown eyes and asked me to play a song on a guitar. I had to look back at her - disappointed - and tell her that despite really wanting to give her everything she wants, her no-talent ass-clown of a Dad doesn't know how to play the guitar.

This chain of events ultimately led me to steal my dad's acoustic that was collecting dust in the closet of my sister's old bedroom.

I have no idea of the quality - it's an Art & Lutherie guitar made in Quebec. Anyone heard of this brand?

My last question is this: Does anyone know of any good beginning guitar books?

TJ's Back.

2005-04-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

I have (1) no idea why I kept this in my bookmarks (2) why I kept checking for updates regularly despite not being updated for 8 months.

But I did, and now TJ is back.

Lime Coke Recon 2

2005-04-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

1) Lime Coke is good.
2) Ghost Recon 2 is the best online game ever. Period. Derek, let's get online and play it. Jeremy, you need to get xbox live. Dan, you need to get an xbox with xbox live. Nathan, you need to get an xbox that's not hacked so you can get on xbox live. Dusty, you're financially stable enought so get an xbox, get on it.

Ever drop $160 on roses? I have.

2005-04-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

We went to a place called "Heirloom Roses" in Oregon last weekend who specialize in "Own Root" roses. Own Root roses are plants that aren't grafted, they have grown from a seed and have their own root system. Most plants you buy at nurseries are grafted onto a root system so that they grow faster and thus sell faster, making the corrupt nursery owner rich.

Here's the problem though: "own root" roses are the same price as a more mature grafted plant but they are only a 6-8 inch sprout. It is a weird feeling dropping that much money on a bunch of twigs. A little like you are getting conned but you are OK with it. But my wife is happy, and I love my wife, so I am happy.

The next step is keeping the dog from trampling on them.

A couple good links

2005-04-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

Good article with the correspondents from the Daily Show.

Just plain crazy.

Office Update.

2005-04-07T09:47:00.000-07:00

I dropped $1500 at Lowes on plywood, drywall, molding, doors, carpet, etc. The plywood and drywall are up on the walls and I am working on taping the drywall (plastering the edges) right now.

A guy I work with loaned me his compressor and nail gun so that I could get the job done faster and DAMN. Nail guns are the shit! I put up the plywood on the walls in one afternoon.

You may be asking at this point why the hell I am putting plywood up on my walls, here is the answer: Arts and Crafts Wall Paneling.

Where have I been?

2005-04-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was in Arizona for a week to get my annual review from work. Got a fat raise. 16% plus a ton of stock options and a kick up in the percentage I get for my annual bonus. It's cold in here, excuse me while I throw a roll of 100's on the fire. Mmmm. That's better. I also spent a large chunk of the time buying your moms. They are under my house right now knitting me sweaters.

Just kidding.

They're in the shed behind my house.

Sup Y'all

2005-04-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...

Framed

2005-02-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

You need to go to Frame Central. This store kicks ass. Long story short - it's a do-it-yourself frame shop. They give you the framing tools and you do all the work (or they teach you how if you don't know). I've framed 7 pieces of art in the last 2 days. Big things with mats. It cost an average of $25 per picture. At a framing pro it would have cost the same amount of money (7x25), but just for one picture.

I've been saving a lot of money lately on these kind of things. I recently canceled my ATT Wireless cellphone and got a new plan/phone with Cingular. I saved $20/month there and I have a larger calling area and more minutes.

I also canceled my local Verizon phone service and ordered a Comcast Digital Phone. I am saving about $35-40 on this new phone (and Comcast is deploying VOIP this summer - which will be even cheaper because... NO PHONE TAXES!)

One thing that isn't saving me money is my new Comcast DVR cable box. I love it. I don't know how I ever watched TV before it. It is pretty cool to be able to watch the television programs you like on your own schedule instead of having to know when your favorite show is on every week. My new favorite show is Numbers, by the way. Then come the CSIs, all of 'em.

All of these things make me happy, but you know what makes me the most happy?

MONKEY TITTY TWISTERS!!!

Just so you know.

2005-02-23T22:06:00.000-08:00

I think the new TV show "The Contender" looks like absolute crap. However, the theme music in the commercials makes me feel inspired. Inspired like I should immediately get in a fight or write my memoirs or something.

Also, we are thinking about adopting another dog. We don't want our lives to calm down or lack responsibility or anything. Plus, our kids are getting too much attention. This time we won't be going to a breeder, we'll be going to a rescue shelter. Haven't totally decided on a new dog yet, but we're seriously considering it - and leaning towards adopting. Poppy LOVES other dogs and she has a ton of energy - so the thinking is that getting her a friend would keep her occupied, tire her out and make her really happy.

Anyway, the name of the dog that we are looking at is Bonner. I don't like that name. I'm thinking either: Chilli Dog (Nickname:Chilli), Sargent Tooth (Nickname:Sarge) or maybe change Bonner to Boner. Hmmm. Vote?

My Dog Didn't Tear Her Vulva in Tahoe

2005-02-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

I think that title combines everything that I have to talk about since my last post. I've been gone a while. I was waiting to post some pictures of my office onto the internet and talk about those, but since my computer in my office is still disconnected I couldn't post them and I kept putting off my next blog post. Then I went on vacation for a week. Now I'm back.

Since I mentioned all of those things in the title, Frederick's Law dictates that I must discuss them. My last post was on January 13th. Hmmmm. The main event that occurred soon thereafter was my birthday on the 19th. 28. For my present I bought a new car and traded in both of my old ones. Its a bought a 2002 Volvo V70 Cross Country.

It is not blue though, it is "ash gold". It looks grey in some light, and tan in others. Pretty weird. We bought the new car because the other two were dying. The check engine light was on in one (yes, I had performed all necessary maintenance) and the other one died as I was driving through a parking lot (again, all maintenance performed). It Just turned off and started coasting. No lights, no beeping. Nothing. It started right back up but it was enough to get me wanting a new car. The only problem is that we are now a one car family which means that when I am at work my wife is stuck at home. No big deal though since I work from home 3 days a week.

My boss flew into town at around the end of the month to do the annual review process with the other managers in our group here in Oregon. His plane was diverted from the Hillsboro airport to the Portland airport due to heavy fog so I had to drive an extra 45 minutes. No biggie though - I had time to ponder just how kick ass TCM's Vegas CD is, and how the rest don't measure up. The reason [why the plane couldn't land] those of us who were picking people up heard was: "The pilot flew by and decided he couldn't do it", the reason my boss heard from the pilot was that "We were waived off by the control tower". Crazy. Personally, if my pilot is pulling a Hollywood on my ass I'm thankful he diverts to a safer runway. My review went well. My job title is going through a market adjustment which means I get more money, and on top of that I am getting a promotion. Come over and use my bathroom, we've got this nice new green toilet paper with presidents on them.

Somthing else about the fog - I just read in the local newspaper that we here in the valley are experiencing more frequent,thicker fog than any meteorologist can remember in recent history. I've been talking about it a lot to my wife but I thought it was just because we moved closer to the base of the coast range. Not true. It's a phenomenon. Honestly it feels like I am stuck in a Scooby Doo cartoon.

My dog, Poppy, had ACL surgury in November and she hasn't been walking on her leg since. The vet said it would be 8 weeks until she healed and then she could resume normal activity, but still no leg usage. So we took her to the vet to get a checkup and it turns out that she hasn't re-injured her leg like we were worried about - it is just stiff and still a little sore. This was good news because we were keeping her inactive until we found out. Ever try to keep a 1.5 year old dog inactive in a house with 3 cats and 2 children? Not easy. From here on out I'm letting her drop the hammer. (as long as I give her her anti-inflammatories)

We just got back from a week long vacation skiing in Tahoe. I have a college friend whose parents own a house on the lake, so every now and then we go there with a bunch of fraternity guys and hang out/drink/ski. It was fun and it was nice to see everyone again.

That's it. More happened, but you don't care.

Is it just me or...

2005-01-14T22:26:00.000-08:00

Zambia elects black president.

2005-01-13T22:27:00.000-08:00

LUSAKA, ZAMBIA—In a historic triumph for Zambia's African-African community, Bilikisu Adewale, a 49-year-old black man, was elected president Monday.

I love "The Onion".

Sweet Dreams.

2005-01-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

So I find myself daydreaming a lot about things I could put in or on my house. The latest thing I am thinking about is the Heat'N'Glo patio campfire. Here is a picture:

It is a gas campfire for your deck. You can get it in either propane-powered (like your BBQ) or natural gas powered (from your house supply). I'm thinking about the Natural Gas version. Here's the problem though, all you get are the burner, ceramic logs, and all the hoses, valves etc. It doesn't come with those cool river rocks. Therein lies the rub.

You may be saying "Dude, just get a woodburning firepit for your deck" and I've thought about it, but the place where I would want to put it is under a huge evergreen tree, and I'd be too paranoid about embers to ever use it.

So, anyway, this got me thinking about how I would situate it on my deck (which I have yet to build - like I said, I am daydreaming). I like the look of the river rocks and the only pre-built surrounds that Heat'N'Glo sells are ugly stucco or red brick monoliths. I've decided to go another route.

The decision? Well, you may think it is funny or geeky or too much work but to me it sounds like fun. Plus, I have always wondered if I could do it. I want to build my own outdoorish-looking surround (read: rockish) for the patio campfire using something called "Glass Fiber Reinforced Concrete". I only found that term by scouring the net (by the way, isn't it weird how you can try to search for something and find nothing on the net until you stumble upon the appropriate search phrase, and then you are deluged with all the info you could ever need?). GFRC is what the disney imagineers and zoo exhibit designers use to create their fake caves and rock outcroppings. Like this:

What they do is mix fiberglass stips with something called portland cement (no rocks in it). This is akin, according to the scientists, to adding metal reinforcement but much lighter. So you can create a strong, light but seemingly solid structure. Once they have their GFRC concrete mix, they slap it in a mold or over a balloon and then sculpt and paint it to their liking. They put it over a balloon so that they can make a hollow structure. Apparently this hollow structure is so strong that you can beat it with a baseball bat and not hurt it. Also, it can withstand 600 degree temps - which is perfect for a gas fire, but not 1500 degree temps so no wood fires...

So coming full circle, I want to buld a surround for that patio campfire - someday - that looks like a circle of something like this:

This has also got me thinking about all of the cool sandboxes that I could make for my daughter but that would require sculpting around metal rebar - and therefore learning how to weld.

"Let's hope for some seasonal weather."

2005-01-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

Heard the weatherman say this tonight. I understand his intended message but really what he is saying is: "Let's hope for some weather typical of any season." Great. Thanks for narrowing it down, asshole.

On the other hand, it really does eliminate the meteorological margin of error.

By the way, it is snowing but not sticking here.

The end of late fees marks the start of...

2005-01-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

...rape fees. So here's the deal; late fees at Blockbuster are not gone. I rented a movie today and got the details. If you rent movies at Blockbuster you still choose between 2-day rentals and weekly rentals. The difference is that after the end of your rental period you have a 7 day grace period. At the end of the 7 day grace period you will be charged the full price of the movie. Blockbuster price, not Target price - we're talking 25-30 bucks. You then have a month to return the movie and can get your money back, after a month goes by you are stuck with paying for the movie.

I'm not really sure how you can claim "no fees" there.

Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI)

2005-01-02T23:24:00.000-08:00

On a whim, since we were in the area shopping at the awesome home store "Rejuvenation" - where we have bought all of our light fixtures, I took the family to OMSI. They have a permanent kids science oriented playground now that is PERFECT for ages 2-6. They have a spot for infants too, but it wasn't much. It made me seriously consider getting a membership so that I could take Bella there all the time. I won't go through all the stuff they had, because it was too much, but suffice it to say that if you have a young kid, take him/her there.

On a side note, the new IMAX movie looks awsome. But the kids were tired so we had to go.

Office Update!

2005-01-02T23:21:00.000-08:00

I finished stripping my office ceiling, then I sanded the whole thing with an orbital sander, then I primed the ceiling. It looks good and it'll look better with paint (not primer) on it. I will post pictures when I get my office PC hooked back up.

Remember the time that 'Fia pooped on Mommy?

2005-01-02T23:18:00.000-08:00

"Yeah, Bella, I remember that."
"That was funny."
"Yeah, it was."
"Yeah."

This is my daughter's new favorite conversation. We replay it hourly. It's turning into a time-tested classic.

Home Despot.

2005-01-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

Fuck Home Depot. I accidentally bought oil based primer ($16) instead of latex ($12), so I drove to the store yesterday to exchange the cans. When I arrived, I noticed that there were adjusted holiday hours and that I was 3 minutes late. They closed at 5 pm and their normal closing hours are 8 pm on weekdays. So I figure, what with all the residual holliday spirit, that they would let me walk in, swap, and leave. Hell I was even willing to eat the $4 difference in cost between the cans.

So I stroll up to the locked sliding door and... tap tap tap. I tap on the glass because I see an employee standing there with his back to the glass, arms folded. So what happens? This fucking goateed gnome of a man doesn't even bother to turn around. He just tilts his head up like he just suddenly discovered his sense of smell, tilts his head so his chin is nearly resting on his shoulder - and he barks - "CLOSED!". Then he non-chalantely moves his head back to it's default position. I sat there stunned thinking that it must have been some kind of turrets twitch.

Oh, and I was getting pissed. I hate bad customer service. So I walked, this time with building fury-powered purpose. I walked to the big garage door loading area they have for the "pro" projects and talked to a guy there. I was expecting a conversation, but all I got was a "No." - even when the answer didn't fit the question.

"Hi."
"No."
"I need to exchange this can of paint."
"No."
"But I'm only 3 minutes late and I drove a while to get here."
"No."

I was extremely pissed, I came VERY close to spiking the can of primer on the ground so it would open and spill everywhere, then pulling out the double fisted flip-off "FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!" But I didn't. Actually, I regret not doing it.

So where am I going with this? Don't shop at Home Depot. Show at Lowes. They have a bigger and better selection and the only thing that they don't have that Home Depot does is pre-built picket fence sections. I used to split my time shopping between the two, mostly out of convienience - I always bought my high end finish-type stuff like moldings at Lowes. I can no longer say that Home Depot is even remotely convienient, so I see no reason for shopping there anymore.

I need this for my office...

2004-12-28T11:27:00.000-08:00

It is a "no dial" phone just like the direct line phone between the USSR and USA during the cold war or between batman and the comissioner in the batman series.

Just for me.

2004-12-22T23:51:00.000-08:00

I've posted this link in other blogs, but I don't want to lose it - so I am going to post it here.

Smack!

http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/stfu.html

Christmas Dinner? Roasted Emu!

2004-12-22T23:39:00.000-08:00

This and other delicious emu recipes can be found at the American Emu Association website:
http://www.aea-emu.org/recipe.asp

5 to 6 lb. emu roast
2 Tbsp. garlic
1 Tbsp. salt
1 Tbsp. pepper
2 Tbsp. thyme
2 Tbsp. rosemary
2 Tbsp. basil
2 Tbsp. parsley
¼ cup olive oil
2 cups red wine

Mix dry spices together. Spread half of the spice mixture onto the roast and cover. Marinade for 4-6 hours in the refrigerator. Remove the roast and place into a roasting pan. Preheat oven to 350º F. Re-season roast with remaining spices. Add olive oil and wine. Insert meat thermometer in thickest part of roast and bake for 1½ to 2 hours or until thermometer reaches 160º. Baste every 20-30 minutes with pan juices. Serves 8-10.

I really have run out of things to look for on the internet...

Richard Inyaeye.

2004-12-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

Anyone else sick of these emails? I've always wanted to string one along to see how long they last, so today I decided to try it. I opened a free email account and responded to the email below. My response is at the bottom. I'll post any responses I get, but I was kind of over the top so I may not get any.

ORIGINAL MESSAGE:

Dear Inyaeye,
I know this message will come to you as a big surprise because we have not met before, but please do not think this is one of those junk emails you received in your email box this is for real.

I am Kojo Vincent I am the personal assistant to the late Mr. Alexander Inyaeye, my late boss Mr. Inyaeye spent all his live here in Lagos Nigeria. He is one of the richest contractors based in Nigeria before he died on 10th Jan 2000 together with his only daughter Kimberly in a motor accident.

the reason I am telling you these is because since Mr. Inyaeye died, a lot of letters and faxes has been coming to me the personal assistant to inform the next of kin to the late Mr. Inyaeye for the collection of $15 million united states dollars (fifteen million united states dollars) which is his balance for the road construction contract he executed for the Nigerian government.

But late Mr. Inyaeye has no next of kin; he died together with his only child Kimberly who is the next of kin.

I lived with him for 20 good years and he lost his parents when he was a small boy. Mr. Inyaeye generation is finished. But nobody knows his history apart from me the personal assistant he told me everything about his life before he died. So this is what I want the both of us to do immediately, I will present you as the next of kin I have all documents and files of the late Mr. Inyaeye which will cover you up fully as the next of kin.

The Contract Award Committee is waiting for me to inform the next of kin of late Mr. Inyaeye for him or her to contact the payment committee for them to release the $15 million United States dollars to the next of kin.

Anybody I present as the next of kin the money will be given to the person joyfully with my approval. It is only I the personal assistant that can produce the next of kin. This is a quick and sweet business if only you will cooperate with me there is nothing to fear in this business since I am involved.

The last letter the contract Award committee wrote to me yesterday was that if I cannot inform the next of kin, to contact them for the collection of the $15 million, that the funds will be sent into their government account and it will be used to purchase arms for their soldiers.

I am just coming back from their office before writing you this letter; I told them that the next of kin will contact them very soon for the collection of fund.

So I want the both of us to do this business together and collect the $15 million dollars when the fund is collected we must remove 10% of the total amount and give to charity homes then yourself and myself will now share the remaining equally 45% for you 45% for me.

Please do not tell anybody what I just wrote to you for security reasons and for the safety of the business.

Please if you will do this business with me send me your telephone number so that I can reach you.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.
Kojo Vincent

MY RESPONSE:
Dear Kojo,
You couldn't have picked a better time to send me this email. It is Christmas time here and I have maxed out all of my credit cards. Alexander Inyaeye sounds like a great man and I feel a little guilty about taking his money, but if the money is just going to go to the military there - I would rather take it. From what I have heard the Nigerian military would fare better if they had no weapons to accidentally shoot each other! HAHAHAHA!

I really appreciate you stalling the government there so you could send me this money, that was some quick thinking, you sly dog!

I would prefer that we communicate over email, my telephone service isn't working properly here and I wouldn't want to miss your call.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Richard Inyaeye

Orfice!

2004-12-16T22:58:00.000-08:00

I've made some progress on my ceiling, here is my office
photo album

Also, Klean Strip Adhesive Remover gel works well on the black tar. Although you need to let it sit for 3 hours instead of the prescribed 30 minutes. Oh, and your skin will melt on contact. Trust me, I had a drip hit the back of my neck and drip down my shirt. I was running for the nearest sink.

My next project (besides finishing up my office ceiling) is to put an outdoor outlet on the exterior wall on my front porch. My goal is to have this done for xmas lights. Also, I have looked into photosensitive switches (on at dusk and off at dawn), but I have decided that there will be times when I want to use this outlet during the day, so that's out. The option of retrofitting an extension cord with photosensitive capabilities is still an option however.

Committed

2004-12-16T22:55:00.000-08:00

Has anyone else seen the preview to this TV show and think that it looks absolutely hillarious?

Here's a thought...

2004-12-16T22:54:00.000-08:00

My 2 year old daughter has similar language skills to that of your average hillbilly.

Polar Impressed

2004-11-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

I took my daughter Isabella to the theater tonight to watch the Polar Express. I absolutely loved it. In fact I think that it has risen to the top of my list of Christmas Movies. Above 'A Christmas Story', 'A Wonderful Life', 'Scrooged', 'Christmas Vacation', 'Where Eagles Dare' (childhood tradition), and 'Die Hard 2' (Thanks to Nathan). I haven't seen 'Elf' - I imagine that would be on my list too.

The thing I liked most about the movie was that they didn't try to make the characters look human - they spent their time trying to make the characters look like they walked straight off of a Chris Van Allsburg illustration. They pulled it off in a big way and it looked great. Also, even though they had to add story to make the movie long enough for a theater release, they were true to the original (read: shorter) story. In fact, I recognized many scenes from the movie as actual images and angles from the book. I'm willing to bet that each page in the book has a corresponding frame in the movie.

Perhaps the most telling recommendation is that my daughter went in to the movie theater, like many kids her age, hating Santa Claus (my guess: because he is big, old, loud and smells of schnaps). After we left the theater Isabella told me: "Daddy, I like Santa Clause. He's nice." Trust me, it's a big deal for her to come around that quickly.

I think that anyone who reads this should go see the movie at the theater. It is worth it and you won't get the same experience watching it on video, or the tv airings that always happen with Christmas classics. You won't be disappointed.

Anthropomorphized Ebola Pumpkins

2004-11-01T20:59:00.000-08:00

My week is of to a piss poor start, all 3 of my fantasy football teams lost and I am probably out of the playoffs in 2 of them. I don't care what you sport hating people think, playing fantasy sports games with your friends is fun. Period. Kind of like playing video games with your friends but without Nintendo Thumb and the game can last months. If you win, you get bragging rights. Bragging rights are the cornerstone of any successful friendship. If neither friend has them your friendship is essentially adrift. Without bearings. Lost at sea. Without a paddle. Sinking.

You get the picture.

In other news, Halloween was good. Bella was a dog and Sophia was a bunny rabbit. I was Indiana Jones and Amy was a Freudian Slip. Forest Grove has a big downtown commercial Trick-or-Treat event that is very crowded, but also cool. There are a lot of kids there and Bella likes to see all the different costumes. We had a pumpkin carving party for a few people in our neighborhood a week and a half before Halloween and I had an awesome pumpkin - only problem was that it was a week and a half before Halloween. This means mold and rot. It was actually good timing though because my pumpkin grew a soul patch and eyebrows the night before Halloween. It looked genuinely creepy with a candle in it. The other half of the good timing was that the pumpkin's half-life apparently was on Halloween - because today it seems that my pumpkin has contracted Ebola. It's skin is sloughing off and it has dark leisions. If my pumpkin could talk, I'll bet it would first ask me why I stuck a knife in it and took out all of it's guts. Second I think it thank me for the gift of sight, smell and taste. Lastly, it would tell me that it was in pain and that it wants me to hit it with a shovel then throw it over my neighbor's fence.

Election day is tomorrow. I am planning on working from home and watching the results. I have a feeling that despite all of the neck-and-neck predictions from the polls it will be a landslide. Kerry wins. Polls are BS. Last year Fox News held their own poll - what does that tell you? I wonder what Michael Moore's Poll would say. It would probably have a goofy name like "Zogby". Maybe it would be "YummyHoHo". Either way it wouldn't be unbiased - which is the whole point of this incoherent rant.

Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

2004-10-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

Ever fall so far behind in something that the mere thought of catching up makes you want to abandon all hope? Yeah. That's me and my relationship over the last month with blogging. I kept track of what I thought about writing about though, so all is not totally lost.

Instead of writing posts to catch up, the last month and a half will be captured in this one post. My Augtember timecapsule, if you will.

I went to my parents house for the long labor day weekend. It was fun, I saw some cool artwork in a new gallery that opened there that weekend. One of the artists was a guy who freelanced for those geeky roleplaying card games - and while I never liked the games the artwork was always cool. His name is Brian Despain. Here is his website. I saw the robot pictures at the gallery. They were cool. I also added some RAM to my parents computer and that made them happy.

On the way home we were caught in stop and go traffic, minus the go part. It turns out that there was a deadly accident going the opposite direction. Some girls going in to Seaside by Saddle Mountain decided to hit 110 mph and hit a delivery truck coming the opposite direction. Crazy. When we were driving past we saw the car and I had never seen such a mangled mess. The entire front end was shorn off and all you could see were the front seats on top of the back seats. The worst part though was that there was blood everywhere. That part kind of freaked me out. Knowing that someone died on any exact spot is a little creepy for me. We heard on the news when we got home that all of the passengers inside were killed. Sad.

In a change of subjects, I think that the reason that Bush is getting the numbers that he is in the polls is because Republicans can't admit that they were/are wrong. In their last stand of defiance they will vote for Bush again rather than bring the country out of the shitter. Admit it you bastards. It's ok. I'm here for you, you bungholes. I've also decided that I can never run for President. Of the United States. Yes, you heard me right. Stop printing your "Colin in 2022" signs. This is for a number of reasons (most of which occurred in high school). But mostly because I am a registered Independant - which is essentially, I have decided, a vote of no confidence in the partisan system. Only idiots or party purists vote along party lines anymore. This is why we constantly hear the "lesser of two evils" cliche. America wants one candidate who picks a chooses their policies, not one who regurgitates the policies of the far left or far right. You don't like my theory? Eat a dick, facist.

Oh, and I also think that it is time to abolish the electoral vote system. If I am a democrat in Texas right not I am royally pissed. We already track the popular vote, so give me one reason why we should dilute it with electoral votes. Seriously, I'd like to know.

In other news I have finished the privacy fence on the west and south sides of my house. Now all that is left are 2 gates and I am ready to do the last few winterizing things before I start work on the inside of the house. Also, we hosted Jeremy's going away get together here. It was as laid back as it could get with 5 kids running around our house. He's going to Japan for 3 years. Hai!

Plasma Spheres and Treasure Maps

2004-08-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

So you've all probably heard stories of people owning old houses, remodeling them, and discovering treasures buried under past "remuddling." In fact, you're probably thinking that since I am telling you this that I have done said discovering. Well, Buttercup, you're mistaken. I have found nothing but rat crap and walnut shells in my walls. I like to think that if I were to find anything amazing in my house, it would be an attic complete with treasure maps and plasma spheres. No such luck - but I'm holding out hope.

In the meantime I have set the bar low when it comes to making discoveries. The only thing that I have found thus far is my office ceiling. It is a tounge-and-groove decorative type of ceiling used in old house called "V-Rustic" I have similar tounge and groove boards being used as siding for my house. I made this discovery by pulling off the ugly ass acoustic tiles that were on the ceiling of my attic. I was happy when I made this discovery because this is my office, so the room that I will be spending a lot of time in when it is done will have some of the houses original personality. That's cool.

Anyway, the tiles were attached with nails and - here's the kicker - some kind of black super strong adhesive. When I scrape at the glue, some wood comes off with it so obviously I can't scrape this glue off without ruining the ceiling. So I need to find stripper. One that takes off glue, not clothes. Does anyone know of some industrial strength adhesive remover? Don't reccomend that all natural citrus crap either, that doesn't even remove paint.

On a side note, what the hell?? Why would someone cover up that nice ceiling with fucking cribbage board tiles? I don't get some people. I think I do know why, but I prefer not to think about it. What do I think? It's not that original of an idea, just that styles and tastes ebb and flow and that someone at some point said to themself: "This original ceiling is a pile of hand crafted crap. You know what would be cool? Some crappy ass tile."

Casa De Colin

2004-08-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

So I've mentioned it briefly before - in June of 2003 I bought my first house. It is a Victorian farmhouse built in 1900. It doesn't have any of the fancy details that a Queen Ann victorian house has, but I can tell that at some point that it did. I'll add them back someday. I have always wanted to buy a fixer, I was raised in a Victorian house that my parents bought and remodeled so it might be in my genes. Also, I was at the point in my life that was the transition between living in downtown portland and going to bars every night and having a kid and... not. So I was ready for a project.

Anyway, the house was a pile of shit when I bought it. According to the people that have lived in the neighborhood for their entire lives the lady that lived in the house before us was a slightly retarded chainsmoker. No, I'm not kidding. You may not be able to imagine it but that has got to be the Holy Grail when it comes to the worst kind of homeowner. She attempted home improvements - retarded ones, she took out walls but left 2x4 fragments just kind of hanging there, she carpeted the kitchen and possibly the worst thing were the nicotine stains on every surface in the house. The once greyish walls were tan with greyish squares on them where pictures used to be hanging. My wife and I were excited to buy the house but at the same time we were apprehensive because we had a 6 month old and no room where she could crawl around and play.

At this point you may be wondering what happened to the old retarded chain smoker. Well she was hit by a car on her way to work. Presumably for bad taste and poor homekeeping. She was hanging on at the hospital for a while then passed away. To that I say, "thank you?"

It's been a little over a year and we have worked mainly on the inside except for taking advantage of the summer weather and building a picket fence. As of now we have about 3/4 of the inside of the house done and it is much more relaxing than the day we moved in.

Here is the list things we have done to the house, in chronological order:

Living Room/Dining Room
This is really one big room separated by an arch. The first thing that we did - on the day we moved in - was to take out all of the carpet. It was nasty shag and smelled like cigarrettes and old air freshener. Then we took off all of the old wall covering and ceiling tiles mostly made of a cardboardish friable material and no, not asbestos. Then I had to pull nails out of the wall and ceiling so that I could put drywall up on a flat surface. Then I got to do some rewiring. This part was the most fun. I moved outlets, replaced all of the old 1920's wiring with new wiring, wired ethernet, cable, phone and speaker wire for my home theater speakers. I also left some holes in the wall so that WHEN I buy my flat screen TV I can hang it on the wall and not have any wires hanging down. Then I drywalled, put up all new molding, painted and got carpet. Oh, and I say "I" I mean "We". My wife helped a lot too.

Stairway/Upstairs Hallway/Laundry Room/4th bedroom
We did the same things to the walls and ceiling here that we did in the living/dining rooms. We also rewired, moved light fixture locations, pulled nails drywalled, carpet, etc. There were 2 big construction projects here. I demolished the old bannister because it was rickity and contained a light switch (not code) and built a mammoth bannister with a 8 inch oak handrail and wainscoting on the sides. The other big construction project here was building in a 4th bedroom (if you consider my downstairs office a bedroom - 3rd otherwise) and a laundry room. The upstairs hallway was originally a super-waste-of-space "J" shape. I cut off the bottom of the J to make it a bedroom and took the part of the J that curls back up and made that a laundry room. This required framing walls and adding wiring, plumbing, etc. It was a big job and this took the most time of any room - but it also has had the biggest visual and, I think, economic imapact on the house. The laundry room was nice to move upstairs because before it was in the kitchen and totally inefficient. We put black and white checkered tiles in it for the floor and bought an Asko front loading washer and dryer for laundry.

Bedrooms.
The least amount of work went in to the bedrooms. We did the same thing for the walls, we left the ceilings up this time and put drywall over the top of the old ceiling tile, rewired everything (power, ethernet, cable, phone), and got carpet. The only construction we did here was rebuilding and resizing the closets so that they could have bifold doors and be more organizable. I had a buddy help me with the closets. Thanks Nate.

Fence and dog run.
I spent the summer building a fence. We have a dog and it was getting crazy with the amount of energy she would build up in a day without having a yard to let her loose in. There's a park close by, but it is only fenced on 3 sides so it's a little nerve racking to let her loose and hope she doesn't bolt - which her breed does. English setters... So now our yard is fenced on 3 sides. I am going to put up a privacy fence on the remaining side because it is shared with a gravel alleyway and I want to keep the dust out - so it needs to be taller.

What's next?
Like I said - the privacy fence. That should bring us to the end of the summer and then we'll get back to work on the inside. We have 4 rooms left to do: my office, the upstairs bathroom, the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom (which is currently the kitchen pantry)

I have to do everything in sort of a domino effect. In order to do the kitchen I have to do the upstairs bathroom (because the bathroom plumbing runs through the kitchen wall). In order to do the upstairs bathroom I have to do the downstairs bathroom (so we have something to use while it the upstairs bathroom is out of commission). In order to do the downstairs bathroom I have to do my office (because that is where the new bathroom entry will be). So there you have it in reverse order. Office, Downstairs bathroom, upstairs bathroom, kitchen.

I'm going to be posting questions here, I think, about which direction I should go for my house. You can help me remodel. The first will be the office ceiling. I need advice on how to tackle it. That's for tomorrow though.

FOOSBALL!

2004-08-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

My aspirations of custom building a foosball table keep getting closer and closer!

How about I deliver my foot in your ass.

2004-08-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Our mailman is a dick, at least one of the three mailmen that the post office rotates through my neighborhood. My house has no garage, so we have to park our cars on the street in front of our house. This is a very intricate arrangement because we, according to the damn flyer that the mailman keeps putting underneath our windshield, must allow enough room for the mailman to pull in and pull out without having to back up or do any real "driving". We have two cars that we have to park in front of our house and if we want to get mail as opposed to a windshield flyer we cannot be in the way. Also, we have to try to allow for enough room for our neighbors to get their mail delivered - meaning we can't be close to their mailbox - so we have to park between two mailboxes and allow enough room for essentially a semi truck on either end. When it is all said and done, we have about 25 feet to park 2 cars.

This was very aggravating when we first moved into our house for a few reasons:
1) We were never told about this rule so we found out by flyer and out neighbors didn't get their mail because of us.
2) 2 houses down there is a mailbox on the porch of the house and the mailman gets out and delivers the mail to the porch. WHAT THE HELL?? You can't back up your crappy ass van, but you can get out and walk 50 feet? I swear to god I want to drive off with his mail truck next time I see him do that. Not really, but I feel like taking a joy ride when I see that - mail flying out the back of the van. One time after he left us a flyer he looked down the street at me and smiled while he was doing his special delivery. I asked him about it a few days later and he gave me some B.S. line about that house being grandfathered in.

The reason this is all on my mind is because today was garbage day (and all of the garbage cans have to be 4 feet apart in order to be picked up - another thing that pisses me off but I'll talk about that later), meaning that our normal 25 feet is about 15. You can't park 2 cars in 15 feet, so my act of defiance is to put them right in front of the mailboxes so the mailman has to get out and deliver OUR mail for a change. What's he going to do, tell me I have to put my garbage somewhere else? Take it up with the city, punk, I'm entitled to my utilities so why don't you eat my... never mind.

So today he delivered our mail and then apparently intentionally backed into our garbage cans (according to my wife). I have to think of something else to do to make his life harder. This will become a silent war and most likely the defining event in my life. Does anyone have any suggestions to make his life harder?

One thing that I am going to do to make my life easier and hopefully his a little harder is to move the mailboxes to the very corner of the lot so that in order to deliver the mail he would have to stop and be in perfect T-Bone position with the alleyway to the west of my house. Hopefully this will add stress to his life - thereby reducing his health significantly to the point where he has a stroke and retires. I'm in this for the long haul.

More Strawberries, I COMMAND YOU

2004-08-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you without the benefit of ever having kids, one of the most gratifying things is getting them to say things, clearly, that no ordinary child would say. Nothing bad, but things that will get strangers to do a double take and do a "What tha'? Did that kid just say that?"

My oldest daughter just turned two and she has been at that parrott-esque mimicking stage for quite a while now. I think the first thing I taught her to say was "'Sup Daddy!" followed by "Bling Bling" and "On the double!" (in the direction of my wife when I am tired of waiting for her). Most recently we were late for dinner on our way back from the grocery store with a container of strawberries open so my daughter wouldn't go into a diabetic shock (she's not really diabetic, but a child’s volatility potential seriously increases when they go too far beyond their normal eating times). So my daughter was in the back seat eating huge strawberries in about 4 bites, they were disappearing so fast that I had to keep my peripheral vision on her just to make sure she wasn't chucking them into the back of the car half-eaten and then asking for more. After each strawberry she would demand: "More strawberry!” We are at the stage that we are trying to teach her how to ask politely for things, so we would respond: "More strawberries, please?" and she would repeat it so we would give her another strawberry.

This lasted about 5 minutes until I got bored and started prompting her to say other things. It evolved from "More strawberries, please." to "More strawberries, NOW" to "More strawberries, I COMMAND YOU" to "More strawberries, I AM GOD." There were a few more permutations, but all in all to deify a 2 year old and hear those commands in a tiny voice and with all the girly intonations, it was hilarious. I probably wasn't setting the best example but hey, in this day and age, who does?

Generally asshole-ish

2004-08-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

I am not going to come across well in this-or-any blog. Much of my demeaner and interpersonal communications stem from sarcasm which never comes across well when there isn't a facial expression or voice tone to go with it. Also, I can't read your reaction and therefore perform a diving "just kidding" catch is out of the question. But anyway, here goes:

After work today my wife and I went to Toys R' Us and emptied out the gift cards that were sent to us for the birth of our newest daughter. My wife talked to one of our friends with a newborn and they recommended a Sea Sounds Baby Rocker, or something like that. It looks like a lawn chair for a baby except that it is a little more reclined, has an attachment that vibrates the chair and a fake plastic bubbling and music playing aquarium that sits right in front of the baby's face. This is all an amazing invention and it seems to be working well. My baby is fast asleep in her vibrating lawnchair listening to the soothing bong sound of the bubbling aquarium. It's all about conditioning at that age. "JUST KIDDING"